how to tick people off

1. insist on keeping your car windshield wipers running in all weather conditions "to keep them seasoned."
2. reply to everything someone says with "that's what you think."
3. practice making fax and modem noises.
4. finish all your sentences with the words "in accordance with prophesy."
5. signal that a conversation is over by clamping your hands over your ears and grimacing.
6. holler random numbers while someone is counting.
7. staple pages in the middle of the page.
8. decline to be seated at a restaurant, and simply eat their complimentary mints at the cash register.
9. TYPE IN ALL UPPERCASE.
10. dont use any punctuation
11. buy a large quantity of orange traffic cones and re-route whole streets.
12. repeat the following conversation a dozen times. "DO YOU HEAR THAT?", "what?", "never mind, it's gone now."
13. try playing the william tell overture by tapping on the bottom of your chin. when nearly done, announce "no, wait, i messed it up," and repeat.
14. ask people what gender they are.
15. sit in your front yard pointing a hair dryer at passing cars to see if they slow down.
16. sing along at the opera.
17. go to a poetry recital and ask why each poem doesn't rhyme.
18. ask your co-workers mysterious questions and then scribble their answers in a notebook. mutter something about "psychological profiles."
19. leave the copy machine set to reduce 200%, extra dark, 17 inch paper, and 99 copies.
20. specify that your drive-thru order is "to-go."